I was in the middle of writing a post about my last chemo treatment being next week, but then I heard a song last night as Adam and I were driving to a friend’s house. As soon as it came on, I said “Oh, I love this song!” and turned it up (which is quite typical of me when we are driving somewhere). Once I heard her words, I felt the tears welling up. It was dark so Adam couldn’t see this, but he instantly took my hand. I knew immediately that it was a song I liked, but it had been so long since I had heard it that I had not remembered what it was about. It caught me completely off guard but every word resonated with me and I felt like she was telling my story.
Today I watched the video (below) and it reminded me how incredibly thankful I am for all of the ways I have been loved through this trial.
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19
I have seen this firsthand as He has provided skilled doctors and nurses, medications that are working to destroy this cancer, and financial blessings that have eased the burden of my many medical bills.
God has also shown His unfailing love by placing so many people in my life to love on me during this season.
My incredible husband has been there to listen and help guide me since day one. He was in the waiting room as I had the mammogram, ultrasound, and biopsy. He was sitting next to me on the couch the next day when I got the phone call. Although we were engaged, I told him I would understand if he didn’t want to go through with the wedding. He wouldn’t entertain that idea and on March 8 vowed to love me in sickness and in health, knowing that the former was coming before the latter. At appointments he has carried my “doctor bag”, held my hand in the waiting room, and taken notes so that I could listen to what the doctor had to say. Every other Thursday, he has carried my “chemo bag”, purse, and water bottle as I get blood drawn and vitals taken before chemo. He has sat with me every one of these treatment days for up to 7 hours, and has even always let me have a bite of the bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit he gets from the cafe upstairs. He gets up earlier than he has to on weekdays so that he can tie my scarf before I leave for work. On weekends after chemo when I have felt the worst, he has cleaned and done laundry without ever complaining. He has cooked numerous waffles for me, my go-to food when I’ve been sick, and fed them to me in bed when I’ve been too weak to do it myself. He never pities me, but always listens to my fears and lets me cry. He prays with me, guides me, and leads me as we have tough decisions to make. He has loved, served, and suffered with me so well in this season and I cannot imagine what this journey what have been like had God not led me to Columbia 2 years ago and placed him in my life.
I am also thankful for my family who has been so supportive in any way that we have needed. Telling my mom and dad that I had cancer was by far one of the most difficult things that I have ever had to do. I am not a parent, so I don’t fully understand what they are going through, but I can imagine how hard it is to learn that your child is facing such a tough battle and to be afraid that you will lose her. I knew this before I made those phone calls which is what made them so hard. I didn’t want to cause my parents that pain. They have been so supportive and pray for me daily. Although I wanted them to see what chemo was like, I knew it would not be easy for them to watch those toxins be pumped into my body so I never wanted to make them feel like they had to be there. Thankfully I did not have to, as they both decided on their own that they wanted to be there. Even though they both live several hours away, they make the trip as often as possible. Daddy enjoys having a Reuben sandwich from the cafe at lunch and talking on his phone (shocker) when he is there, and mom likes to read magazines. They have loved me through this so well and I couldn’t ask for more.
My mother-in-law also visits us and has a “chemo gift” for me each time. My nurse and I always get excited to see what it will be this week! Many other family members and friends have come to SCOA to share the chemo experience with us. Having company has made it a much more pleasant experience! I also have a couple of friends who unfailingly remember my treatment days and take time out of their busy lives to email me an encouraging devotion or scripture that is always exactly what I need to hear on that particular day.
Having cancer has made me much more appreciative of many things, one of those things being relationships.
So many bonds have been strengthened and new ones formed. I have met survivors who have been sources of counsel, understanding, and hope. Each of these women has been such a huge blessing and helped me navigate this new world of breast cancer. Friends and family have been so generous with their time and resources. They check in on me on my bad weekends, cook dinner for us, and just take the time to spend time with us when I am feeling good. Since my time to feel good physically has been limited, I have learned to make the most of it and not take it for granted. They even generously donated to my Relay for Life team last month and have given us many thoughtful gifts. Each of those gifts, whether it be a book, restaurant gift card, or something else, has helped me in its own way and I am so grateful. My colleagues at work were so selfless in in helping me juggle everything to make it possible for me to still continue being there for my children.
I have also been amazed at the people who have reached out to me, even those I haven’t been in touch with in years. Each time I read a message or pull a card out of our mailbox I am reminded that someone is praying, and there aren’t words to express how much that encourages me. I have usually been on the other end of those words, telling someone that I am praying for them, but now being on the receiving side I truly understand how meaningful that is. Even if you don’t know what else to say, the fact that you take the time to pray for me specifically and tell me that you are means so much more than you realize.
I have been so humbled by the outpouring of love during this season by the Lord as well as so many people. Thank you for loving me through this!