Closing the Chemo Chapter

I am finished with chemo! My 8th and final treatment was yesterday!

As I have been nearing the end of this phase of my cancer journey, I have been reflecting on all that I have been through and learned during this time. Two days after the nurse navigator called to inform me of the biopsy results, she called again to let me know what treatment plan the doctors had agreed upon when they met to review my case. They had taken into consideration all of the characteristics of my tumor from the pathology report and decided that chemotherapy should be the first step in my cancer treatment. I will not bore you with all of those details, but it truly is amazing what a specialized approach they are able to take with each person based on all that is now known about breast cancer and how different each case is.

I processed this news with mixed emotions. I was glad to have a definite treatment plan in place and very thankful that the doctors had this option to help cure me, but I was terrified of losing my hair. That is another process in itself so I will save that for another post! I asked as many questions as I could think of at the time and then learned specifics when I met my oncologist for the first time the following week. She informed me that I would have 4 treatments of Adriamycin/Cytoxan followed by 4 treatments of Taxol. I would be able to have “dose-dense” chemo, meaning I would have treatments every 2 weeks. I realized this could be more taxing on my body, but I also knew it meant less time overall spent on chemo which was a positive. Since I planned to continue working full time, Thursdays would be my treatment days so that I would have the weekend to recover. I would need to have a port placed under the skin on my chest for them to deliver the chemo medications so that they didn’t have to start an IV in my arm every time. I had no idea what this was, so here is an illustration if you are as curious as I was –  Port Illustration . Mine is not very noticeable and is only a small bump.

I remember the first day of chemo very well.

I was not anticipating this day with excitement, but I had not been dreading it either. You see, I spent the entire month prior feeling completely normal and well, but learning about all of the things that might happen to me once chemo started. Symptoms vary so much from person to person, even those on the same chemo drugs, so it was difficult for anyone to tell me exactly what I could expect, just many possibilities. I was just waiting for what I was told would help heal me, but at the same time make me terribly ill. I was relieved by the time March 19 finally arrived so that I would not have to wonder what it would be like any longer. I was also looking forward to having a more consistent schedule since ours had been so unpredictable and filled with so many appointments at different places with different doctors. Being the planner that I am, the idea of knowing my appointment schedule for the next few months put me at ease and made preparing sub plans easier for me (teacher friends, I am sure you can relate!).

That morning I got many texts, phone calls, and emails on our drive to South Carolina Oncology. I was feeling hopeful and positive when Adam and I checked in at the front desk at 8:00am. We then went downstairs where I waited with many other people to have my blood drawn. One of the first things that I noticed was how different I felt than everyone else this first day. I was so much younger. I also had a head full of long hair pulled back in a ponytail. I looked at everyone and wondered what kind of cancer they had and where they were in this process. They also looked at me. On the outside, I didn’t look like I belonged here, but on the inside I had the same disease threatening to ravage my body. I did belong here because we were all here to fight the same battle.  After having my blood drawn, I waited again to to have my vitals taken. We then made our way into the huge room filled with rows of over 40 plush recliners. I felt the anxiety and fear growing stronger as I walked to choose my chair. I chose a seat facing the window, all the while trying to fight back the tears. I was terrified as I sat in that chair for the first time. My nurse was so sweet as she came over to access my port and through my tears I told her how scared I was. She assured me that it was normal to feel this way and let me have my moment to cry it out.

This was not a chair or room I ever anticipated that I would be sitting in and as I sat down the reality that I was now a cancer patient hit hard.

I tried to refocus my thoughts on God’s truths instead of my fear and kept reminding myself of Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” I also clung to Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” I was so fearful of what these drugs that they were about to put into my body were going to do to me, but I knew I had to keep reminding myself that God was right there with me in that room and wasn’t going anywhere. What a comfort it was to know I didn’t have to face this day alone!

I felt much better once I refocused my thoughts and was ready to have my port accessed for the first time. It didn’t hurt like I’d imagined and I really only felt a little pressure for a second. The first couple of hours I received anti-nausea meds, steroids, and fluids. Adam and I talked and I wrote in my journal. I even graded some papers which amused Adam (but didn’t surprise him) because “Of course”, he said, “that’s exactly what you should be doing at chemo – being productive.” I will be the first to admit that relaxing is a struggle for me a lot of the time!

When it was almost time for my first chemo drug to be administered, I received the greatest blessing when a dear survivor friend dropped in to see us. She had received the same drugs so it was such a comfort having her arrive just before the infusion started. God’s timing is so perfect! This first drug, Adriamycin, is also known as the “Red Devil” due to its bright red color as well as its very unpleasant side effects. My friend told me that she had been given the wonderful advice of instead thinking of it as the “Blood of Jesus” so that’s what I did. It has to be pushed into the line by hand slowly through a syringe because of the damage that could occur if it were to escape into surrounding tissues. I will never forget watching the fluid in my line change from clear to pink to bright red as it traveled up to my port that first time. Fear was creeping up again, but I prayed as I watched this that I would be healed by this toxic drug,  and I sang every hymn about the blood of Jesus in my head that I could think of!

After about 15 minutes of that drug being pushed in, I was ready for Cytoxan, the second chemo drug in the A/C combo. This was dripped over a few hours and made me feel like I was having an ongoing brain freeze so the rate had to be slowed down a little. Finally by 1:30 I was ready to go home. They unhooked my line and taped the small part to my chest leaving the needle in so I wouldn’t have to be stuck again the next day when I returned for fluids. The next day I returned in the morning for fluids and the shot that boosted my white blood cell count then went in to work. I would usually start feeling the side effects from the shot (pain/body aches) night and they would last through the weekend. The fatigue and nausea were worst over the weekend also but by God’s grace I was always able to be back in the classroom Monday morning.

Adriamycin #3   April 16, 2015

After 4 treatments (8 weeks) with this first drug combo, I switched to the second drug, Taxol. This drug tends to have less intense side effects in terms of nausea, but has the potential to cause an allergic reaction when it is administered. I tolerated the first Taxol treatment fine with no reaction, but then it happened during both my second and third infusions. Thankfully, I had no reaction yesterday during my last treatment! I had asked many people to pray specifically for this. They were able to get things under control and continue at a slower rate both times but it was painful and scary so I was happy to skip that part! The side effects I’ve experienced with it have been bone pain in my legs the weekend after a treatment and neuropathy in my hands/feet, which oddly enough for me has presented itself as itching instead of numbness/tingling. Please pray that this ends as soon as possible in the coming weeks, it’s really no fun! I have been so thankful to not experience nausea though.

Yesterday was such a sweet day of celebration and thanksgiving. So many family members and friends came to share the day and celebrate  with us. They brought balloons, Tiffany’s petits fours, an Edible Arrangement, and pink beads for everyone to wear. It was also Patient Appreciation Day at SCOA so we were treated to Bojangles coffee and biscuits as well as hand massages from an oncology massage therapist. We also received many thoughtful gifts from A “Tiny” Bit of Love, Inc. These family members of a sister who lost her battle passed out snacks, key chains, and handmade blankets to all of us. It was such a beautiful thing to see them loving on so many people in her memory.

This chapter has been quite a challenge and there have been days when I have experienced physical and emotional weakness like never before, but the Lord has carried me through and has been so faithful.

I am looking forward to feeling like myself again for more than a few days at the time and not having to schedule things around my “bad” weekends – oh yes, and to have my hair begin to grow back! However, I want to always remember all that I have learned through chemo  including trusting God completely and never taking good health for granted. Before I rang the bell, I thought about this verse from a devotion sent to me yesterday morning.

Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. Psalm‬ ‭95‬:‭2‬

I hope that my heavenly Father heard this bell ringing as my song of praise and thanksgiving! I am so thankful for Him carrying me through this part of the journey! Please keep the prayers coming as I make decisions and prepare for surgery over the next few weeks.